How can i move forward when resolution has not come?

It’s exactly as it says. This year has been a bad year for me. Nothing has been what i expected. I feel like i’m worse than i was. I dont know. Lord. You have a plan, but does it seem like it’s taking awhile? Jesus, i’m looking for you but i’m not sure what to do. I’m stuck i feel. I feel captured by old things and my past. When moving forward was my objective this year, i felt as if i have made small progress. Is this the way you’ve had it for me Lord? What’s the reasoning behind this? I’m not enjoying where i’m at. Unmotivated. Just bored. Lord. I feel as if i’m deteriorating a bit. Jesus am i not putting enough faith in you. I know this will only be for a moment. But it’s been months. Months. Capture my heart and rapture my passion again.

I seek answers but i feel as if they’re all around me. I’m not dealing my cards right. I’m killing myself over here. Jesus I need you to come. Slap me up a bit. Do something. I want to do something extreme but i always do something extreme. WHERE’S THE BALANCE?!?!?! EVERYTIME I FALL INTO A PINCH I CAN’T DO SOMETHING CRAZY. Balance. Here’s where everything I’ve learned done and committed to falls upon. What will i do?

I’d rather not but if it happens like that… It’ll be better for me.

Sometimes we need to fail and fall in order to gain our senses that there is something wrong. When we fail, we’re like ok… this isn’t right. Obviously! Home is a place where its suppose to be your inner sanctum. The place you rest. I’m barely home. There’s no time where I just relax and reflect. My mind is always on the move. And easily, something could come and blindside me. Can i get an amen to that? Always on the go. Always something to do. Too tired to do anything, things get built up. Then a burden is erected. And more and more do you creep away from peace and TRUE rest.

Truth is… I have overcome. There’s nothing that can hold me down with Christ in my life. Lies can come and creep into my mind but the reality is that i am a winner. I am with him.

King in the making

Jesus. I’ve dealt with some crap this past few days at the restaurant. But i can’t get mad because All things work for good. I JUST CAN’T SEE IT RIGHT NOW. You’re a God who gives and takes away. You can restore. You have the ability. Jesus i can only believe that you’re putting me through the process right now because i dont feel great about myself right now. I was just thinking that i can’t imagine doing this on my own. I need you so much just to keep me sane. If i didnt have you i would be lost hopeless and miserable. JESUS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I CAN’T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU. Lord i believe you’re molding me into something heavenly. Something kingly. Someone who is in the order of the kingdom. If i say that i’m going through all this torment for nothing, then i doubt your work in my life. I can only pray that i’m doing everything i can. Jesus… i know you love me. You tell people about me. And it’s like i dont know if you know if i’m looking for that but you know that i need it. Jesus you’re making me into a king. I will be a man of authority because i know all sides. I know the bad and i will know the good. Humble beginnings. Humble beginnings. Humble beginnings. Yes Lord. Thank you.

Why do you do what you do?

God, thank you. Why do you bless me in such a way? I dont even know what to do or say. I dont even know what to do with the money. God why did you give me this? I dont get it. And i guess i shouldn’t be asking but just receiving it. God you bless me in all ways. God correct me in my thinking. In my heart. In my actions. Let no my praise and worship, the very purity of it, be compromised. Jesus tonight something happened. Old things have passed and new things are here. Jesus i would give it all to you if i had the mind to know how. Teach me.

I’m so sick of dealing with things that… i dunno. I get tired of myself acting up. That’s why i pray for order. When i can’t get in the way of things and order shines through.

Order in my life

God this is to you. I want order in my life. Look at it. I need it. There’s trash everywhere. I live in disorder. I need order. I can’t live without it. I can’t achieve my dreams without it. I need order in my house, in my money, in my health. Soooo many places i need it. Teach me. It’ll be hard. I pray that i dont give up. Or else, i’ll never get what i want outta life. If i want to achieve my dreams, i need order. My family lacks order. I NEED ORDER. Order is what’s gonna save me. Order will make things easier for me.

I’m learning to keep my room tidy. And then moving on from there. Doing laundry! UGH… i’m going to be the best at that. I need to keep my mornings. I am up at 1:36 typing this. But!!! this is my resolve. I count it as that. You know, I enjoy this facebook absence thing. For the moment, i suppose. I dunno. It gives me time. TIME. Not time magazine but TIME. I’m not bothered by people commenting on my pics. Or thinking up some cool status. *incomplete sentence… Kill me so what* haha

But Lord. I hope this is the first day to the rest of my life in order. I NEED ORDER. COME TO ME! There’s nothing that i really need than that! I’ve got my vision. WHICH… i need to get serious with and get through the John C. Maxwell test. I need to meet up with Alex. Or somebody! I can’t keep holding out like i’ve been doing. There are many things i want outta life. But i want them with ORDER. If i have a relationship and i’m in disorder… can someone say… FAIL! If i’m trying to run a restaurant, Yeah… i walked into Pollo Regio or whatever it’s called by my house today. I totally did not like it. The jack in the box was cleaner and designed better than that place now. It just looked like i walked into Mexico. I duno if that’s what they were looking for but… i didn’t like it. Sooo it just makes me think. Do people think that way about our restaurant? Quite possibly. Why wouldn’t they? It’s pretty much a hole in the wall. I want order there Lord.

Merdiocrity has settled in that place and i’m comfortable in it. I need more. I need a vision. A vision is what i need for that place. Lord place grant a vision for that place. ABOVE ALL AT THIS SEASON… GIVE ME ORDER LORD!!! I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT. Teach me. Cuz i know that’s the only way to get it.

When You Love So Much That It Hurts…

What do you say to someone that already knows what you’re going to say? You love so much that you just want to be with them. Your being yearns to be with them. You take inventory of your life, and you almost become disgusted with the things in your life that dont matter.

Right now I dont really care about anything else. I just want you Lord.

WikiEditor… Guess I didn’t make the Cut.

Wikipedia has be talked about for its worries on its consistency and how reliable is the information on there. But after testing to see how the game is played, the worries are not as serious as you may think.

Everyone can edit a wiki page, pending on the topic. So I tried. One of my favorite authors is C.S. Lewis. Reading the wiki for C.S. Lewis, I read that Lewis was very close friends with “Lord of the Rings” author J.R.R. Tolkien. So this is where I decided to make my edit. I have always heard that Lewis and Tolkien spent considerable amounts of time together at a local cafe talking in deep conversation. So that’s was my contribution to the world of Wiki.

It wasn’t even half an hour till I discovered my addition to the page was deleted. Seriously less than half an hour, my edit was gone. I had to laugh at this. Not for the fact that it was deleted, but that it stayed on for like a blink of a eye it felt like. These Wiki-editors must mean business. Some Joe Shmoe comes on wiki and adds in his two cents on an article, and the alarm is sound. The information has been tainted by the common man! Warning!

Reason for the deletion was because it didn’t add any notable information. Thanks a lot, Username: Deor. I thought it’d be pretty cool to know that Lewis and Tolkien kicked back at a cafe and had serious conversations together there. I never knew this for sure, but it just seems right. I’ve read two or three of his books. I should know… I’m joking.

This very example puts a bit of security on how Wikipedia is played out. Yes, you can edit a page. But making it stick is the challenge. You have to put something up there that is “notable” enough for the “experts” to see and go… Hmmm very nice. I guess I just didn’t make the cut on this one coach. I still believe they had significant conversations at this cafe, wherever it may be.

Obama is my president or my homeboy?

The internet is a ocean flow of information that is easily accessed by a few simple clicks. Read and research with what is at your finger tips and become enlightened. Get together online and discuss world issues and the economy. This open network is at your advantage to create something moving and powerful. Sounds great, but the reality of it all is not what this picture plays out to be, at least for the majority.

There are few people using the internet today that are using it for this reason. I blame it on the mass media that is bombarding our computers. It’s trading quality information for entertainment and pleasurable purposes. This goes beyond the internet. In the news, it goes to what bleeds leads.

Go to youtube.com at this moment and look at the top videos. Most of what you find is something that is pure entertainment purposes. Youtube.com and Hulu.com continue to grow as the top growing websites in 2009. It’s feeding into a consumer culture versus a public sphere on the internet.

One of the key examples that explain this is how the campaign of President Obama was handle during the election. Personally, I did not keep up with the necessary steps of how they promoted the democratic candidate. But after everything played out, Obama stood as this handsome, cool, hip guy. Running up against McCain, the old guy who could die in his term, it was a no brainer who a person with no political knowledge would pick to run the nation, granted if he/she voted.

And that was his door in. Though people knew nothing about his policies and what he was about, they put Obama as the best thing to come around. And with this still carrying on, it’s hard for me to take him seriously. He’s my president for crying out loud. Or is he my homeboy? See as the lovely Kim Kardashian sports the lovely tee.

This all fine with the way that you’re looking at it. What does it matter if a big source of our entertainment comes from the internet? With that said, I stand in this category as well. But what the revelation of it all is that there’s so much more that can be done. Howard Rheingold says,”What you know or what you don’t know about how networks work can influence how much freedom, wealth and participation you and your children will have in the rest of the century.” It’s time to get educated. Time to start feeding yourself. The public sphere is important to our future.

If it continues to carry on the way that it is, a cloud of ignorance is going to fall upon us. People are going to make irrational decisions and start saying stupid things. I blame the media for feeding us such things. Instead of feeding us something that really counts, they give us the latest celebrity gossip. The low down on the he said she said. It doesn’t matter. What good is it for us if we know what Britney Spears is getting better with her life or some baby loves to dance to Beyonce. It’s a vicious circle that is held though. And ignorance is a player. If that’s what is on the top news on Yahoo as of right now, it’s there for a reason. They give us what we want. The nature of the public sphere is getting tainted with the silly cares of the secular world.

Yes/No Internet Neutrality

Without any regulations on the open internet, it’s anyone’s game. With the open policy, the internet is free from the phone companies constricting hands. A couple of days ago, Obama shared his support for internet neutrality, backing FCC. Allowing the internet to be open in a way that made it what it is today.

Only hearing about internet neutrality literally yesterday, the veil was taken off of my eyes to the things that were taking play. Giving it thought, this is one of the solutions that could solve most of the problems of the internet but could most definitely take away things that are good as well. This puts the internet as a luxury that some people may not be able to afford.  The phone companies will have all the control and on whose pulling the strings and whose throwing the most money will the power be handed to.

Putting my discovery and thoughts aside, AT&T calls for a restriction on wireless. I disagree with the restriction on wireless, simply because it’s holding off the inevitable . With the restriction, we pretty much have what we have going now. We can do so much with our mobile, but it’s only going to peak as much as the companies allow. This isn’t bad, but the “future” is held in their hands. They make all the money. But sooner or later, that will be breached. AT&T is just fighting whats going to happen and seeing if they can get their piece of the pie before this goes big.

It’s all about control and money. You making the big bucks and control is where your security is at. The phone companies are just trying to position themselves right for the new wave of the future. Who knows, you never know when will we look at cell phones and see this as old technology and move on to video communication. And that’s what I see for the future. This fiber optic internet is going to pump things to the higher level. And technology is only going to get better. And the companies are going to get richer, and this is one of the times that determine the flow and control of how everything is governed.

Is the internet going to go from something we’re everyone can jack into or something that is only used by the ones who can afford the new service? 56k was the bomb when that’s all we had. But DSL and Cable came in and wrecked the place. Now we have Fios. 56k is a joke compared to DSL and compare that to Fios. Times are moving and changing. Technology grows older and dies off and continues to rebirth itself. If we have someone pulling all the strings and controlling the future, we’re just the puppets.

Leave the way the internet was. It grew on it’s own, created and made by a big percentage of the users.

AT&T fighting for their position

Just how I like my internet is also the way I like my democracy, instant.

Instant coffee. Instant ramen noodles. Instant antibacterial hand wash. Things today are just so instant, especially the internet. With all the information that gets put out on the internet, people will see it and take notice. It’s up to them to see how they take it. And from that they’ll use whatever social credit they have to get their opinion through. And that usually happens in a matter of hours.

If something crazy happens out in the world, people are now running to their computers and telling it all, whether it be logical or not. You saw what happened with Kanye West at the VMA’s. Dude shocks the whole world and in a matter of hours you find content of him and Taylor Swift all over the place. Not only blogs but you even find Hitler getting mad at Kanye. If something goes down and you miss it, just go to your computer. It’ll be plastered on the internet. I read in this article, “Empowering the individual to have a voice will always bring about change. That is what democracy is all about.”

With all these people congregating on the internet to follow such and such cause, we have people who are actually wanting to be heard, whether it be about Kanye or Obama. Now it’s just up to the experts to take this by the horns and milk out the value of it. Obama has got his deal going on, putting the power in the people’s hands. Put your question in and you may even hear Obama talk about it. The president talking about MY concern? Me? Joe Shmoe? When you give people a sense of empowerment, they’ll blow up with blogs or whatever tool you give them if it gets their voice to be heard. The times are changing and the movement of information has become instant with almost instant feedback. What the future holds for it is still something time can only tell.

The Power of Instant Democracy