How can i move forward when resolution has not come?

December 15, 2010 Leave a comment

It’s exactly as it says. This year has been a bad year for me. Nothing has been what i expected. I feel like i’m worse than i was. I dont know. Lord. You have a plan, but does it seem like it’s taking awhile? Jesus, i’m looking for you but i’m not sure what to do. I’m stuck i feel. I feel captured by old things and my past. When moving forward was my objective this year, i felt as if i have made small progress. Is this the way you’ve had it for me Lord? What’s the reasoning behind this? I’m not enjoying where i’m at. Unmotivated. Just bored. Lord. I feel as if i’m deteriorating a bit. Jesus am i not putting enough faith in you. I know this will only be for a moment. But it’s been months. Months. Capture my heart and rapture my passion again.

I seek answers but i feel as if they’re all around me. I’m not dealing my cards right. I’m killing myself over here. Jesus I need you to come. Slap me up a bit. Do something. I want to do something extreme but i always do something extreme. WHERE’S THE BALANCE?!?!?! EVERYTIME I FALL INTO A PINCH I CAN’T DO SOMETHING CRAZY. Balance. Here’s where everything I’ve learned done and committed to falls upon. What will i do?

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I’d rather not but if it happens like that… It’ll be better for me.

November 24, 2010 Leave a comment

Sometimes we need to fail and fall in order to gain our senses that there is something wrong. When we fail, we’re like ok… this isn’t right. Obviously! Home is a place where its suppose to be your inner sanctum. The place you rest. I’m barely home. There’s no time where I just relax and reflect. My mind is always on the move. And easily, something could come and blindside me. Can i get an amen to that? Always on the go. Always something to do. Too tired to do anything, things get built up. Then a burden is erected. And more and more do you creep away from peace and TRUE rest.

Truth is… I have overcome. There’s nothing that can hold me down with Christ in my life. Lies can come and creep into my mind but the reality is that i am a winner. I am with him.

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King in the making

October 30, 2010 Leave a comment

Jesus. I’ve dealt with some crap this past few days at the restaurant. But i can’t get mad because All things work for good. I JUST CAN’T SEE IT RIGHT NOW. You’re a God who gives and takes away. You can restore. You have the ability. Jesus i can only believe that you’re putting me through the process right now because i dont feel great about myself right now. I was just thinking that i can’t imagine doing this on my own. I need you so much just to keep me sane. If i didnt have you i would be lost hopeless and miserable. JESUS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I CAN’T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU. Lord i believe you’re molding me into something heavenly. Something kingly. Someone who is in the order of the kingdom. If i say that i’m going through all this torment for nothing, then i doubt your work in my life. I can only pray that i’m doing everything i can. Jesus… i know you love me. You tell people about me. And it’s like i dont know if you know if i’m looking for that but you know that i need it. Jesus you’re making me into a king. I will be a man of authority because i know all sides. I know the bad and i will know the good. Humble beginnings. Humble beginnings. Humble beginnings. Yes Lord. Thank you.

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Why do you do what you do?

October 29, 2010 Leave a comment

God, thank you. Why do you bless me in such a way? I dont even know what to do or say. I dont even know what to do with the money. God why did you give me this? I dont get it. And i guess i shouldn’t be asking but just receiving it. God you bless me in all ways. God correct me in my thinking. In my heart. In my actions. Let no my praise and worship, the very purity of it, be compromised. Jesus tonight something happened. Old things have passed and new things are here. Jesus i would give it all to you if i had the mind to know how. Teach me.

I’m so sick of dealing with things that… i dunno. I get tired of myself acting up. That’s why i pray for order. When i can’t get in the way of things and order shines through.

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Order in my life

October 27, 2010 Leave a comment

God this is to you. I want order in my life. Look at it. I need it. There’s trash everywhere. I live in disorder. I need order. I can’t live without it. I can’t achieve my dreams without it. I need order in my house, in my money, in my health. Soooo many places i need it. Teach me. It’ll be hard. I pray that i dont give up. Or else, i’ll never get what i want outta life. If i want to achieve my dreams, i need order. My family lacks order. I NEED ORDER. Order is what’s gonna save me. Order will make things easier for me.

I’m learning to keep my room tidy. And then moving on from there. Doing laundry! UGH… i’m going to be the best at that. I need to keep my mornings. I am up at 1:36 typing this. But!!! this is my resolve. I count it as that. You know, I enjoy this facebook absence thing. For the moment, i suppose. I dunno. It gives me time. TIME. Not time magazine but TIME. I’m not bothered by people commenting on my pics. Or thinking up some cool status. *incomplete sentence… Kill me so what* haha

But Lord. I hope this is the first day to the rest of my life in order. I NEED ORDER. COME TO ME! There’s nothing that i really need than that! I’ve got my vision. WHICH… i need to get serious with and get through the John C. Maxwell test. I need to meet up with Alex. Or somebody! I can’t keep holding out like i’ve been doing. There are many things i want outta life. But i want them with ORDER. If i have a relationship and i’m in disorder… can someone say… FAIL! If i’m trying to run a restaurant, Yeah… i walked into Pollo Regio or whatever it’s called by my house today. I totally did not like it. The jack in the box was cleaner and designed better than that place now. It just looked like i walked into Mexico. I duno if that’s what they were looking for but… i didn’t like it. Sooo it just makes me think. Do people think that way about our restaurant? Quite possibly. Why wouldn’t they? It’s pretty much a hole in the wall. I want order there Lord.

Merdiocrity has settled in that place and i’m comfortable in it. I need more. I need a vision. A vision is what i need for that place. Lord place grant a vision for that place. ABOVE ALL AT THIS SEASON… GIVE ME ORDER LORD!!! I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT. Teach me. Cuz i know that’s the only way to get it.

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When You Love So Much That It Hurts…

December 12, 2009 Leave a comment

What do you say to someone that already knows what you’re going to say? You love so much that you just want to be with them. Your being yearns to be with them. You take inventory of your life, and you almost become disgusted with the things in your life that dont matter.

Right now I dont really care about anything else. I just want you Lord.

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WikiEditor… Guess I didn’t make the Cut.

October 27, 2009 Leave a comment

Wikipedia has be talked about for its worries on its consistency and how reliable is the information on there. But after testing to see how the game is played, the worries are not as serious as you may think.

Everyone can edit a wiki page, pending on the topic. So I tried. One of my favorite authors is C.S. Lewis. Reading the wiki for C.S. Lewis, I read that Lewis was very close friends with “Lord of the Rings” author J.R.R. Tolkien. So this is where I decided to make my edit. I have always heard that Lewis and Tolkien spent considerable amounts of time together at a local cafe talking in deep conversation. So that’s was my contribution to the world of Wiki.

It wasn’t even half an hour till I discovered my addition to the page was deleted. Seriously less than half an hour, my edit was gone. I had to laugh at this. Not for the fact that it was deleted, but that it stayed on for like a blink of a eye it felt like. These Wiki-editors must mean business. Some Joe Shmoe comes on wiki and adds in his two cents on an article, and the alarm is sound. The information has been tainted by the common man! Warning!

Reason for the deletion was because it didn’t add any notable information. Thanks a lot, Username: Deor. I thought it’d be pretty cool to know that Lewis and Tolkien kicked back at a cafe and had serious conversations together there. I never knew this for sure, but it just seems right. I’ve read two or three of his books. I should know… I’m joking.

This very example puts a bit of security on how Wikipedia is played out. Yes, you can edit a page. But making it stick is the challenge. You have to put something up there that is “notable” enough for the “experts” to see and go… Hmmm very nice. I guess I just didn’t make the cut on this one coach. I still believe they had significant conversations at this cafe, wherever it may be.

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